It is really hard to be an empath in today’s world. I’ve been the individual that feels way too much especially for others. There have been a lot of things that have been said to me all my life.
“You take things too personally”
“Why are you so sensitive?”
As someone who is an empathetic woman, who lives with anxiety and depression, who lives with Fibromyalgia is really hard especially being younger than most and looking even younger than most. It is hard not to take in everything that is going on in the world.
What is an “empath”? What is empathy? By definition, it’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. I am bombarded with so much that is going on that sometimes I have nothing to say. Even with everything that is going on, I tried to practice self care and eliminating all the negative that is around me. However, at the same time I have to survive. I’m fighting day in and day out not just for my sanity but my survival.
I want people to understand that I am trying to relax my centra nervous system. It is imperative especially since we are in the middle of this pandemic. My fear is what suppresses my immune system because I’m constantly living in fear. For some, it is hard for them to understand why I need rest often and it is necessary to maintain my boundaries in all areas.
I never had a problem with being by myself. That is what an introvert like myself has always done. However, the feeling of loneliness waltzed in and out of my mind and even sometimes worsened my depression. The people I am surrounded by do not fully comprehended my overall complex. My depression does not cause me to isolate, my loneliness does because I begin to believe that no one cares or understands me.
Often depression and loneliness goes hand and hand. It is a vicious cycle that can spiral. My mind is in overdrive because I’m constantly overthinking. It cause me to to want to bother or even inconvenience anyone with how I’m feeling or any related problems. I have always minimize my depression and pretend everything is alright and never want to appear weak or helpless. I pull away and always feel as though I need to handle everything on my own. Speaking of it is just as socially awkward and somewhat triggers my anxiety. At this point, everything feels utterly hopeless. Even though isolation is a choice of mine it makes me feel alone at times.
My mind convinces me that I am inherently broken for some reason but betrayed by others in a society that promotes depressed people as “toxic”. That’s the reality and that is I have depression, which convinces me I am alone and a burden to others. It’s a catch-22. I carry everything on my shoulders and push myself so hard to be “normal” and to remind myself there are people out there. I tried more to listen to my heart but my mind truly takes over and loneliness sneaks in. Loneliness, they say, is a detriment to one’s health and well-being. Loneliness increases mortality. Loneliness is for all intents and purposes a silent killer mimicked as depression.
Everyday our black community is under attack. Not only just our race , our bodies, our hair and our livelihood but our reproductive health. As black women, our access to safe sexual and reproductive health care is in jeopardy. Black women has been the backbone of social movements in this country for such a long time. Black women for whom the “choice “ in “pro-choice” does not apply because of restrictive policies. Black women for whom are miles away from the nearest health center or hospital. Black women for whom find their pain ignored and their decisions shamed.
In this world, it is not easy to be a black woman especially a carefree black women over the age of 25 years old with no children and unmarried. Essentially, being a carefree Black woman means that you do not have to fit into a specific box to be unapologetically black. I never did fit into a specific box or a specific stereotype. Embracing this for me meant destroying the idea that we can only show one side of ourselves to the world and erasing the stigma of actually being what it is to be a black woman.
The world see us, see our bodies, see our experiences and experiences and voices. When you do stand with us black women, it requires intentionality, respect and to take everything we fight for and stand for seriously.