I was always called ugly and unattractive.
I was told I would never make it (as a woman).
I was told that I was weird and crazy to want to be a graphic designer and artist as my career.
I was always bullied for everything.
Picked on and singled out.
Even was bullied for wearing glasses.
Even had my glasses broken on purpose.
The to always hear teachers say “they’re just kids”
I was billed for how I look and how I dressed
Even now, I’m talked about in how I process information.
Because I’m an introvert who’s observant.
I had to fight intrusive thoughts most my life
And by myself.
Every time I did some thing wrong, I take it extremely hard
So hard that I wonder why I would do something so stupid.
Sometimes I would actually bang my head (lightly) against the wall as a kid.
I always felt like I had to be perfect.
Even now, I’m looked at all the time even if I forget 1 thing or make a little mistake.
My late teens and my 20’s were the hardest.
I questioned my existence and tired of thinking so much.
I have scars from cutting myself, not many but they are there and happened during major breakdowns.
Even when diagnosed with depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia in 2017 and chronic fatigue this year
No one seemed to care or better yet believe me
And still don’t.
I have been laughed at by people and even supervisors at work.
I’m told I’m too young
Or told I’m a hypochondriac
Or I’m being melodramatic
Or wait until I’m over 50.
Some days, it’s super difficult to get out of bed
It’s hard to keep from crying some days.
It’s even harder not to act on those intrusive thoughts
I don’t because hope keeps me going even without a support system.