One thing a lot of people don’t realize is that I’ve been through a lot of things but I never speak on it.
I’ve tried to fit in when I was a child. I wanted to play with the other kids but I was “dismissed”, teased and called names.
One of the things I was often teased about was not having my mother around. For the longest, I didn’t even know who my mother was. I thought she was dead or in jail somewhere because she did bad things when she was married to my dad.
Even the teachers looked at me weird sometimes because my dad walked me to school everyday during elementary school and if anything happened, was the first one to come to the school.
One thing people knew, if my dad had to come to the school then someone is in trouble and that wasn’t me.
Of course, you tend to find out everything as a teenager.
I never grew up or even knew my mother but it is truly complicated. Kids and even school teachers would ask so many questions because it was uncommon for a girl to not have a woman figure in their life like their mother or grandmother. I never met nor know my grandparents either but my grandmother (on my dad’s side) died when he was 4.
Society then made it common for kids to not grow up without their fathers. I was the one who grew up without a mother and that was very uncommon.
Two things I was asked:
- If I hated my mother for leaving.
- How did your dad take care of you all by himself and legally blind?
As a kid, I always had to answer to peoples stupid questions about this. It annoyed me so much at that time because I really didn’t know all the facts. What could I really say? To be honest, I probably still don’t know everything.
However, I’ve already forgiven her. I don’t hate people honestly. I am way too kind and empathetic for that. However, she typically did not do anything to me for me to feel hatred. I’ve been mad but never hated her. The only thing I was made at my mother for is always blaming my dad for all the stupid decisions she made and never take responsibility for her actions.
This is probably the case because she did drugs. I believe it was cocaine. Addiction can be caused by many different things including trauma that happened way before she even met my dad. That would make anyone do the craziest things especially leave her child.
Another key thing is that my personality isn’t a reflection of her either.
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