Overthinking Pen Strokes

The mind is the most power part of the body. When you die you breathe your last breath, your heart stops beating, organ failure and then it shuts down. Our brains are now thought to continue to “work” after death but only for a few minutes.

With that thought, I battle every day when I wake up. I struggle to get out of bed sometimes. Sometimes because of my overthinking thoughts and sometimes I’m just tired of being tired. A shell sometimes. There are many days I think if I’m good enough. Society doesn’t really think so. I’m a digital nomad and a grown nerd.

Everyday I keep wondering when will I be able to wake up and not think about whether or not it is worth it, or if my depression is what kills me. I stay quiet half of the time because I can’t get the words out but I struggle. No one sees it because it’s invisible. It’s burden and even sometimes sorts itself out anyway. Hope and faith is what keeps me alive though even when I’m constantly thinking about other things and why things happen to only specific people — The kinder people and those who genuinely want to help people.

Overthinking not just steals joy but steals a part of you that you can’t get back. Somehow, the only way I can express my overthinking thoughts is through art. It’s clear to me but probably unclear to others. The only time I feel adequate as a human. No one making fun of me or saying things behind my back. No crying or feelings of being sad. Just what I create.

So, is it good enough? I wonder this everyday as I step away for industry standards. I push and push my self. Maybe I will sell a piece. Maybe someone will understand it. Sure, everyone know I have “talent” but do “talent” sell? That’s the true question. That’s where I keep trying and trying and trying until someone gets it or someone understands the work I create.

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