I know I shouldn’t hide my pain and emotions because it’s not healthy to keep it all inside and bottled up. I personally don’t like to show others how much pain I am really in for fear of not being understood and hearing the dreaded comments such as, “Well, you look fine so you can’t be in that much pain.” Or “There’s nothing wrong with you.” Or being flat-out told I am a liar. It is bad enough to have to live every day with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and depression, but people who make comments like that make it harder. Honestly, I have trained myself to respond with “I’m good” when people ask me how I am.
Seeing the disappointment on peoples face or hearing it in their voice when this is something that can be only manage makes me want to pretend everything is alright and there is nothing to worry about. Deep down inside, sometimes I can feel my body giving out on me every day.
I have come to realize that yes, hiding my illness is bad for my health, but telling people and receiving rude comments is even worse. Because of this, I will only share my ups and downs with a few select people who I know will always be there for me. There aren’t many though. To anybody else out there who feels they need to hide their illness from other people, I completely understand why. As a suggestion, find a few people who you trust and talk to them. Even if they are the only people you tell your hardships too, I think it is better than keeping it bottled up. Writing has become a way to talk about my illness to others and although there have been some harsh comments, it has taught me who is there for me and has given me the courage to talk person-to-person about what I am going through and not have to hide it.
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