Smiles and happiness are the reasons why many are so surprised that I have depression and anxiety. Mental illness is very easy to hide when you dedicate every waking moment and every ounce of energy to keeping those inner demons to yourself.
I try very hard to conceal what I’m feeling especially through my symptoms of depression and anxiety. I did a great job honestly.
When I wake up, I have to put on this mask of being okay, while struggling through every moment. I will still laugh and spend time doing what I enjoy. The times I do express what I’m feeling, it’s never validated like I not allowed to feel the way I do.
Half the time, I don’t get up out of bed until 8am, even though I’m usually awake by 5:30am. It’s my current reality. I used to think hiding it would make it a little better but it’s almost the same so I keep the “I’m okay” mask off whether what I feel is validated or not.
xoxo
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