On Getting the Nerve to Be Happy

Who knew we needed to force this???

Question for you:
How many things do you feel obligated to do, just because you are the stronger one???

You’re the stronger partner.
The stronger sister.
The stronger daughter.
The stronger friend.

And so maybe you’ve made decisions, for a very long time, based on the fact that you are in a better position than others to handle LIFE—and therefore, you take on the burden of handling it all.

You make more money, so you pay for all the things.

You sacrifice where you really want to be.

You’re emotionally adjusted, so you become the therapist of all.

You’re capable and competent, so you take on the workload.

You’re fearless, so you take on everyone else’s fears.

And you’re strong as hell—Because you don’t need anyone else’s strength. You don’t need anyone else. That’s the mantra, right?

A while ago I started noticing this invisible script playing out in my own life. Because I’ve never been dependent on anyone else for much of anything—silver lining of having a single father raising me AND being perfectly fine with eating eggs and broccoli every day of your life. I learned how to have the resilience of a warrior.

But something very quiet starts to happen when you are always in charge:

You assume no one else needs to be.
You automatically assume the burden.
And, you make decisions based on the fact that it’s easier for you to show up and do the hard stuff, than asking other people to show up and do the hard stuff.

The end result of this, of course, is that eventually you find yourself living a life predicated on making everyone else comfortable. But, if you were to take a step back and really ask yourself what you want: is it the same as what everyone else wants from you?

This is another core question behind the concept and meaning of SELFISH.

I wanted to reclaim the SELFISH, and make it okay for us to make unconventional decisions in the name of happiness.

You aren’t bad if you decide to change.
You aren’t bad if you decide to quit.
You aren’t bad if you decide to say no.
You aren’t bad if you decide to prioritize what you need right now.

What I needed right now was time in a quiet place—a reprieve—a retreat—a time of reflection. I don’t get it as I should but when I do I take full advantage.

And, I decided to give that to myself.
Because sometimes, even if we are the strong ones, we also need to be soft, once in a while. We need to pursue our own comfort. We need to let the burden fall off our shoulders. We need to be zealously ours.
There is something to be said about being true to yourself above all else.

Is that selfish?
Some might say so.
But me?

I think it’s a new form of strength. There is wisdom in knowing when you need to show up for you. And there is power in actually having the nerve to do it.

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