I am told that the actions I display and the way I think is due to the actions of my mother, her not being around and not having a relationship with her at all. The actions I display and the way I think is indeed through experience but not because of someone else. It is is because of me. I have been able to formulate my own opinion for as long as I remember. I have accepted the fact that I’m very opinionated but I would never force those opinions upon others.
When I was younger, I did wanted to get married like every other young girl. However, I knew what I wanted from the very beginning. Now that I’m older, it has a deeper meaning. I kept the same values just removed marriage out of the equation because I ultimately want to be with a man who can have a deeper level of communication even though I’m an introvert. I want a man to listen to understand and not just hear me. I want a man to also be my partner, my best friend and my lover. I want a man who will be real with me and not try to spare my feelings. I want a man that shows empathy and is genuinely kind. I want a man to respect my sexuality because I am a Demisexual, which means I am an individual who does not experience sexual attraction unless I form a strong emotional connection to a man.
I am a woman who is willing to take care of a man who can also take care of me not just physically but mentally. So I view marriage as a piece of paper that tells the government that the couple is together and sharing assets. What I’ve wanted was always more than just a husband and to get married. I want a true bond and unconditional love. That is something I formulated on my own not because of the actions my mother and the lack-of her in my life.
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