Living with OCD

I known for a long time that I had OCD before I knew I had depression and probably before I knew I had anxiety. I constantly overthink and obsession almost over every little thing. I have to be constantly busy. I am constantly thinking what I need to do next. There is no off switch. I have this perfectionist mind where the smallest details need to be in a certain way or a certain order for me to feel “safe” or comfortable.

OCD is actually not about cleanliness or a germaphobic. I thought this was the case until a friend actually told me they can tell I have OCD by how naturally fast I walk all the time and my obsession for things to be in a certain way which makes more sense since I have generalized anxiety and social anxiety.

I struggle with perfectionism because I always felt I was placed on this high pedestal to have the best grades, to be great at so many things. While everyone thought I was above average and even thought I was this super smart person. I thought of myself as average. I never thought I was better than anyone else and half the time I felt less than everyone else.

A lot of people say “I’m so OCD” really do not know what it means and how serious it is. I do not blame them for not knowing. I blame them if they do not want to listen to those who have OCD and what it really means to have it. Claiming to be OCD can invalidate those who suffer from it. It’s not an adjective.

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