Everyone has thoughts and opinions about almost everything life has to offer. As an introvert, me personally, I suck at expressing those emotions and opinions in words. However, I can easily jot them down on the computer or on paper. I am told I m strange. I am told I am cold. I am even told I am rude. Those are not the case. However, I am doing my best, but sometimes it is not enough for a lot of people.
I am told it is so easy to express. It really is not, but society sometimes does not understand that. That is like saying; stop feeling down when you clearly have chronic depression. I don’t want anyone to act like I do not have any feelings. Hearing about how much you like me as a person or how you really feel about me will not scare me away. I actually want to know what is on your mind. I am a very good listener. However, do not think because you open up to me, means it is easier for me to open up. It is not. It seriously takes time.
When someone asks me how I am doing, I always say “I’m Fine”. I am not trying to lie to you; I just hate the fact that I have feelings. I do not want to make a big deal about how I feel. I just don’t want to be a bother. You can help me get my feelings out, but do not force them out. It takes a lot of time.
I never want to shut anyone out and I really want to express how I feel (about things and life in general). I just never have the right words. If I love you, trust me, I will say it over and over until it gets on your nerves. I am not a tough as I look or sound. I will appear heartless or cold as first glance, because I need to protect myself emotionally. Yes, I have a fear of rejection as well, because I do not want to express my opinions or my feelings and I end up totally wrong about them or criticized for them.
If I cry, I can’t cry in front of anyone. I do not want to push anyone away either. I actually really care. Sometimes, I care too much. However, I am forced and have to be to everyone’s expectations and I remain quiet. This is a very extroverted world we all live in and introverts, like myself, do not really belong. I know this and that is why I suck at expressing my opinions, concerns, and feelings to others.