The Economy vs. Society Vs. Me

This world is really screwed up. It seems to be on the forefront of destruction or entering a black hole. I understand the circumstances and I understand that things “happen”. However, everything that is happening or has happened has been done on purpose and by the negligence of the government and the judgmental society we live in. Everything is so wrong about the society we live in that it is almost natural.

When the economy failed. I knew I did not stand a chance. It is not because I am black. It is not because I am a woman. Though, it is a factor, but not the main reasons. It is because I won’t be constrained by the incorrect rules and the conformity to what society wants me to be. My entire life, I felt as though I was against the world or against society. I have to try twice as hard because I am black, a woman, and sort-of a nerd. I am someone society does not like and not in a bad way. It is just not the standard. I want things that most people do not want and vise versa. I am not your standard black woman, but I couldn’t pass of as white either. Most enjoy living by society’s rules or by the constraints of the world. Sometimes they get far by stepping on others and sometimes it gets them nowhere. It comes with a price to pay at the end. That is how the world seems to be constructed. Those who defy that are in the middle.

As a freelance graphic designer, I do not fit the mold. The industry is made up of 86% percent Caucasian American, 2% black, 4% Hispanic/Latino, 6% Asian/Pacific Islander, and 2% other according to AIGA. Let that sink in for a second. I am that person who is “almost there”, but you just need to change “this” or “that” about yourself. Why should I do that? It is part of my genetic make-up. I just do not belong. For years, I wanted to belong. However, I could not. It was not me. It is not my character.

Speaking of character, that is something the majority of society lacks. The Oxford dictionary states that character is the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. There is nothing moral about what is going on in today’s society. There is nothing moral about how some people are treated.

So many people have called me selfish for numerous of reason. I am not going to go into the fact that I never want children. There is no explanation anymore. I just don’t. Point blank. That does not change my character. I am called strange because of it. Why? It is not the standard. Secondly, I am an introvert. Unless I am around people I truly know, I am timid sounding. I will not look you in the eyes and I have major trust issues so I do things for myself. However, I will not hesitate to offer help to anyone. At the same time, I believe people can do things for themselves too. That does not mean I am selfish. Society is corrupted and roadblocks are set up in the form of bad criticism, judgments, comments, insults, and other things. I do not fit their mold. I create my own for myself.

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