I Am Tired Of Being Broke

I am truly fed up with being broke. Yes, I am used to not having much money, but this should not be like this all the time. I trained as a graphic designer for a long time. I even have a bachelor’s degree. I even moved to California not knowing a soul. I thought someone would give me a chance to work for them.

I have been madly, ambitiously, furiously driven and hard working since I was sixteen years old or when I was old enough to do things for myself. That would probably be at thirteen or fourteen. Tell me why I cannot find employment. When I do find work, it is something completely meaningless and underpaid…retail.

I live in California with other people I’ve been lucky I know the people I live with or I would have never moved in the first place. I have mad some small mistakes and should have saved some more refund money from school, but no one expects to lose their job twice in one year. No one. At this point, it is one frightening prospect, because I beginning to lose faith especially with the economy and as a black individual. It super hard. I am on food stamps and pay people who do not appreciate healthy eating and living. I try, but I am surround by negativity 24/7. I feel like I am walking on eggshells sometimes. I even feel profound shame.

I have been very lucky my bills are paid on time. Everything is stretched to the “T”. Everyday I am either take a trip to stores and business and talk with managers. Other times, I am home on job bored and websites searching tirelessly for hours and hours for positions and openings. Some were not just graphic design. It was about making a living and working to be financially comfortable.

I call design shops, ad agencies, design agencies, studios, museums, art directors, founders, cofounders and collective workspaces. Voicemail. Sometimes I will send out tones of e-mails. “We have chosen other candidates” Yet, the job is still listed and they still need someone. How does that make sense? Worst part is I meet the requirements most people do not. Isn’t this a customer-facing service?

I have asked around and messaged people I have never even heard of. I have never followed them before. I am on Craigslist and freelance sites look for those who need a quick logo or a design done. I do not charge as much as others. I get no reply. No one is ever in. I felt like an idiot.

You are not hiring some kid. You are hiring a professional. I am a graphic designer, a visual designer. I learn never software. Keep up with design trends every year. I read books on art and design because I know and understand it. I read on business and economics because it is important. I read about fashion and architecture because I enjoy it. Everyday articles, newspapers, inspiration websites, conferences, lectures, YouTube videos, and advice on how to get it right—till my eyes are blue and shot at midnight. I do not know a design that does not read. You have to.

I am broke. I hustle for work to survive seven days a week. I do not get those two days off after Friday. I keep my eyes wide open and jump at every chance available. I no longer believe any job application site will ever drive work my way. Cancel this crap. Work is in referral, but how, if no one believes in me?

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