Upon first sight, he had it all. He had medium toned skin, slender frame, intellect, and even a great perspective on life. He shares his troubled past and his issues. He is fearless in a way, or just really tough skin. He pulled me in with every word. This was the making of “the one”.
He did not write about love like most would do. He talks about it with his mother. I felt honored. He replayed it in his head. We had endless chatter about how he was feeling, and where he has been (there was hundreds of miles between us). He decided to come see me. We wanted to be in the same locale. It was like we reconnected from when we were in high school. It was something so sweet. Fast-forward to the first encounter. We met. The attraction was solid. The nerves eventually settled and we had a connection that translated well from the phone, to live-in-color. He was articulate, quirky, eager, and simply amazing. This was rather quick after getting out of a three-year relationship that I thought was “the one” too.
Fast forward again, he had to go back. I cried so much I wanted to come with. Everything was going so wrong. He asked me to come with. I thought about it and reluctantly said yes. I did not know what to expect. I tried something new. Since this was sudden, no one was really willing to help. I spent over $300 shipping my things. I donated more of my stuff to Goodwill. It was really happening. I was moving to California.
Fast forward yet again, I made it to California. I was in awe of the entire journey; I was finally with someone who understands my heart and my ways. We were together for almost two years and broke up over an argument. Couples have arguments, but I never expect to feel like this. He wasn’t as open minded as I had hoped. He wasn’t as liberated as I desired. In my heart, I did not care, but deep down I felt like I still cannot be accepted for who I am. He said I neglected him. He said I was a liar. He even said I stole. I did not know being so determined and knowing what I wanted from day one was a threat. I felt like a horrible person. However, you don’t mean to hurt the one you love either. He even said I did not love him as much as he loved me. Worshipping someone is not love. I love him unconditionally and still do, but because he couldn’t get what he wanted he stopped loving me. It was both of us, both of our faults.
We shouldn’t have moved together so quickly. However, I felt foolish. I feel like I failed again, especially at love. I felt emotionally responsible for being swept so fast. Now my heart aches. I was beyond lonely and wanted someone to love me as I am. When I was at my most vulnerable, he appeared back in my life. Now, I am just as vulnerable. He still believes I am the cause of our relationship ending. Again, it is both of us. My heart is what I lost, because I couldn’t be what he wanted me to be. I was everything he needed, but never seen it or realized it. I guess he wasn’t “the one” after all. However, we are still friends.