02. Beautiful Nocturne: My Soul Trapped in Darkness

Love=Over rated (Tainted Love)

It always fascinated me how guys, in particular, go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, it always turns out that the whole time they never loved me. For some reason, saying “I love you” had because overrated because most of the time they just don’t mean it. Very few, like myself, will mean every word of it but then at the end feeling completely worthless because the person are just saying it back only for the fact of you saying it.

Sometimes I feel as though I don’t mean anything to him even though he says I do. If I say I love him he’ll say it back but he’ll never say it to me first. he won’t even tell me how he feels about me.

Heartbreak: Breakdown

For me, there has always been a pattern.

Talk to a guy

Tells me he does not like everyone else

Start to like him

Later on…

Fall in love

He falls in loves with me.

Tell him how I feel.

He tells me how he feels.

We’re together

Then he breaks up with me, and then there you have it…heartbroken yet again. Then I find out the truth a week after someone brakes up with me. Either he never loved me or just me being the fact that I am who I am to be treated a certain way.

The pattern continues. Just being alone drowning in my own sorrows saying to myself I’ll never fall in love again. Look what happens, after a few months of total emptiness, it starts again. After all the loneliness, meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. That is also the same pattern of others in society.

There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover any more from another break-up. You just get tired of the same pattern especially when a guy tells you he is not like everyone else. I get tired of hearing that. Don’t tell me that, show it to me. In my case, if he continues the pattern of the heartbreak. I’ll feel emptier than I have been before but it would be like living my normal life. Feeling empty and all alone has turned out to be what my life consist of no matter if I am with someone or fall in love unless he can prove to me otherwise and it has yet to happen. Will he ever tell me how he feels about me? I may never know until he can tell me he loves me and I mean everything to him.

The word, the meaning: beautiful

Beautiful- /byootifool/ 1. Delighting the aesthetic senses. 2. Pleasant; enjoyable (Had a beautiful time). 3.Excellent (beautiful specimen, preferably a person)

The word beautiful means a lot more to females than males realize to think. If a guy calls a girl beautiful than that female will feel as though she is wanted no matter if that person is a stranger or not. The amusing thing about all this, a stranger would call a girl beautiful without hesitation but your own boyfriend seems like he’ll never say it. Girls don’t want to be called ‘sexy”, “cute”, “hot”, or “fine” They would rather be called beautiful because it sums up all those words in one.

This same scenario goes for females rarely calling their boyfriends handsome. A female would call their male friends that they are really close to handsome but never their boyfriends. Males really do not want to be called “sexy”, “hot”, or “fine” even though they appreciate the compliment they prefer to be called “handsome” That, as well, sums all those words into one.

Back to my original point, if a guy loves his girlfriend as he says he does or even likes her enough to want to be with her then he should call her “beautiful” because it would make a girl feel more secure and give her self-confidence. If a girl says, “I love you” to a guy he should always say it back but only if he means it but saying that to her first will let her know that you truly care.

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