01. Paranoia Torture (On the Outside Looking In)


He has captured my heart. He still has it. Why does caring about someone hurts so much, in my case it just feels like torture. How long has it been? I cannot tell you that, but that is what a female feels at night. The scent of someone’s memories is so clear. I find it odd when people say I will learn to cope. It is really not easy even though I have been through everything countless of times. Is it possible that everything happens to me for a reason? I honestly don’t know. This is like Paranoia Torture.

My Heart, My Soul, & My Life:

Love can change the way of living. How am I supposed to breathe where there is no air? I can loose all hope of reality. The nightmare I am constantly in seems to never end. My complications are wearing thin. Now there are just everyday happenings. What about my life? Is it possible for me to love someone that much? I guess it is because I do fall in love with someone indeed, but I need this pain of loneliness to end right here. Nothing compares to a quite evening alone with that special someone right next to me. I rather live my life pretending then to forget that special someone for one whole minute. Is my soul going into a paranoia state like pneumonia spreading?

Misery and Lies:

Lies are what I seem to have been born into. There are so many people looking and acting so innocent but they’re not. There are so many lies in a stereotypical world. You tend to put your trust in someone and then it seems like I go in a quite paranoia. I have gotten over what happen before, but déjà vu strikes sometimes when a predicament strikes It is quite difficult to live this way but yet somewhere in my heart erases everyone’s stereotypical lies and input all of what he says to me in memory. I put a smile on my face even when there is nothing to smile about. I have only one fear, fear of getting heartbroken so as of right now all I am living off of is a fragment of hope.

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