Empty Apologies

© Mellyssa Angel Diggs
Ink drawing by Mellyssa Angel Diggs

I’ve learned a lot about the word “sorry”. When I say “I’m sorry”, I’m sincere and genuine about it. However, in life, I’ve learn how empty saying “I’m sorry” can often be. By being bullied and picked on, I learned empathy and forgiveness even though someone was verbally hurting and bullying me. I hold no grudges even though I don’t like or trust too many people. Most do not apologize to me even though most of the time that’s all I want. When someone does say “I’m sorry”, it is an exasperated response and often meaningless with no changed behavior or improvement.

I will always forgive someone as a person. However, I can’t continue to accept apologies while also expecting to be hurt again causing me more emotional and mental pain.

Words have always had power and meaningful. They can be beautiful and make a difference but also words without action is empty, soulless and deceiving. If you are sorry, I expect you to be sorry enough to make an effort to change.

Los Angeles Comic Con 2019

Cosplayers and fans from all over came down to the Los Angeles Convention Center for Los Angeles Comic Con (formally Comikaze and Stan Lee’s Los Angeles Comic Con) on October 11th-13th.

The main stage is in the centers where the major panels happened, including: Jay and Silent Bob, an X-Men Animated Series reunion, and many others. The biggest for Friday night is the cast of Mr. Iglesias with Gabriel Iglesias, Sherri Shepherd and Jacob Vargas.


Going through the exhibit hall you will find hundreds of exhibitors, artists, guests, and much more. Artist alley and a lot of indie exhibitors did not disappoint. Tom Cook, who is the original animator/director for most Hannah Barbara cartoons as well other famous guests. EI Makeup School is always at attendance with their full body makeup demonstrations. Also Hot Topic was still the biggest spinster this year not only promoting exclusives but their foundation for mental health.

You can’t have a comic con without cosplayer and there were some very good ones this year with a lot of cosplay mash ups and Joker’s (days after the movie release. On the 11th, I cosplayed as Marionette from Five Nights at Freddys. On the 12th, I cosplayed as Joker from Arkham Nights (which many loved and respected). On the 13th, I cosplayed as Freddy Kruger.

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LA Comic Con was a successful event overall but it wasn’t without it’s needed improvements. With that many people packed into the smaller hall of the LA Convention Center, it was a question as to why they didn’t have it in the largest hall. The food options at the convention center were limited to where people were stuck with convention center food. The signing and meet and greet area was a jam. There were tightly packed lines to see the different personalities and celebrities. I believe that a lot of the convention center could have been utilized a little better. Overall, the event was a success and will be back September of 2020.

What it is like for me: Social Anxiety

I have always showed signs of social anxiety since I was real young. As a child, I was labeled shy, antisocial and sensitive. I had large gatherings especially at school or with other adults. I always felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. My body would always freeze for a few minutes whether it was to read aloud in school or presentations. No one ever knew even to this day. Even as an adult, I am able to do social tasks well but my body would become numb with nervousness and constantly on edge.

Talking with other people is another story. I am very talkative when I am talking with others that seems to listen. At the same time, I can easily walk past you and not say a word especially when I don’t know you. Too much social interaction drains me to the point of utter fatigue.

If people really understood before passing judgement, they would see that I’m always nervous of what people may say about me. I’m always wondering if someone is laughing at me. This is a everyday struggle. The anxiety is an everyday struggle. I do not suffer from panic attacks, however I will get pains in my stomach and throughout my nerves in my body. No can see it. No one will realize it. I smile like everything is okay. It is, however a struggle no one understands unless they are dealing with it.