The Complexities of Depression

Depression is not cut and dry as one may think and it is not just about being down or sad. It is an extreme complex mental condition and intertwines with my brain chemistry that includes damaging thoughts and behaviors that developed over time.

I knew what depression was as a child and what it was not. I also was aware that something was “off” about me but most labeled it weird and I never really fit in. I always had bouts of contentment but also days of gloom and sadness. No one really thinks too much of it. I didn’t either. Humans are really intricate beings with individual backgrounds, genetic make-up, and ways of being. This can go for what depression is.

I’m not OCD, I have OCD – There’s a difference.

As someone with OCD, I am always questioning the things I say or do. I guess you can say I want to be flexible. I want that but then my social anxiety kicks in and I hold back or feel embarrassed if I will say something wrong.

When others use the term “OCD” to bring attention to their particulars I try not to correct them because not too many understand what OCD is or what it is not. The struggle overall is the stigma of mental illness. Part of that struggle to de-stigmatizing mental illness is to not using “shorthand” for universal behaviors.

When someone gets down on themselves for not “doing something right” even if you do numerous things right we are requiring the impossible standard of perfection. That is not related to OCD. However, I do have an issue with perfectionism myself far beyond the practice of it that everyone does but that is another topic. It affects every single aspect of every single second of our life’s even when it’s invisible.

Me not getting certain things done regardless of how badly I want to do it is more of a compulsion not a preference. I’ve done so much research on the human brain and behaviors especially the last few years was me being obsessive not particular. Studying and researching other topics like astrology, anthropology, and reaching thing that possibly will bother me later if I didn’t find out the answer is a obsessive-compulsion for the impossible.

I have OCD. I still don’t know how long I’ve had it. There have been intrusive thoughts and obsessive-compulsive actions. It’s an invisible illness. Use your words wisely.

Ronin Expo 2019

Another year in the heart of Little Tokyo is the Ronin Expo. With the renovations of the Japanese Garden, events took place inside the theater and the outside area.

Opening ceremony began at 11pm with musical performance by Lolita Dark! Who else to better introduce the 2019 Guest of Honor none other than Jeffrey Clark with host master Tyler McPhil.

As usually the weather was beautifully warm for June. Vendor that were there had beautifully crafted items at their tables.

Some tables had games to win prizes. One in particular was Maid Academy Cafe with a bean bag toss. A friend and I won candy. Toshiki Girl was also there with their products, which are high quality. Artist-San Studio is another bender who is frequent at Ronin Expo. I purchased the last Sailor Moon keychain of their collection.

Itasha Alliance, just like every other convention returns for Ronin with their awesome sports cars.

Overall, the beauty of a convention is the interactions you make and Ronin Expo is a small con uniting the connection of people and Japanese culture.