Limitations

I have been sort-of a work-a-holic most of my existence. Even when I had things to do or certain things going on or even when I just was not 100%, I kept on going as nothing was wrong.

I was either stubborn or in denial that I needed to rest or even set limitations for myself. I have always thought: “you get sick and you get better. It’s as simple as that”. That is really not the case especially when I got older.

When I was officially diagnosed with anxiety and depression, things fell into place as to why fatigue would happen so often or as to why I would experience muscle pain for days as of my muscles were in the contraction phase of a workout and never relax. I am learning to live with it but never gotten used to it or even being confined to the bed for most of the day.

Lately, I have limit the activities I do in one day so it does not cause pain flare ups.Not by much, but so I do not feel fatigued as much. For example, if I have an anime convention or just going for an outing, I do what I can the day before to make sure I am resting. I cannot always pull this off because I work 40 hours a week. As John Lennon famously said, “life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans”. Pretty much, days will get away from me. The hard part is really my overthinking and my serious perfectionism. Pacing myself works only half the time. The one thing I had to learn is to not side with those who are against me. The comments telling me “you’re to young to be in pain” or “I’m tired too” or “you shouldn’t be depressed” reflect why there is so much stigma and ignorance about mental illness and chronic illness. I have to trust my own judgement.

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